Welcome back to part 2 of my current development arc: healing ancestral trauma and restoring balance to my energy body. I wrote about a healing session I had with Jess of The Conscious Crow back in part 1, and here I will be going into the work I am doing to integrate what I received from that session. A light content warning: there will be mentions of trauma, including miscarriage and loss of life. Please take breaks or make the choice to walk away if these are triggering for you. Here we go.
Chakra Healing
The first thing I did following my session was take a ritual bath and follow a guided meditation to heal ancestral trauma stored in the sacral chakra. Click here for the meditation I used. It utilizes some Christian motifs such as the archangels and “Christ Consciousness” which isn’t a problem for me, but maybe you would prefer something else if you are interested in doing something similar. I can say that I felt the effects strongly during the meditation, especially the calling of the archangels and the cutting of trauma cords in the sacral chakra.
During this guided meditation, I connected strongly to visions and sensations of immense grief and shame that spanned my entire lineage. This shame was especially related to traumatic experiences around childbirth: miscarriage, abortion, stillbirths, and loss of children especially. The historical context is obvious when you consider my ancestral ties to Catholic Ireland. There were so many different experiences rooted to these cords. Some of it was shame of having facilitated abortions, through the use of herbal remedies. Some of it was grief and resentment over being forced to bear child after child after child (some families easily reaching 17 or more children). A great deal was intense grief over loss, the loss of life through miscarriage or death in infancy. Some of it I have conscious knowledge of being the experience of my recent relatives, but the vast majority of it went far beyond them. I was called to remember the recent discovery of unmarked infant graves in Ireland (story 1, story 2), where it was once common practice to bury infants in unconsecrated ground if they had died before being baptized, believing that they were unclean and sinful and therefore undeserving of receiving proper burial rites. These babies were removed from their grieving mothers and often never named. I get the feeling that this was a fate that befell several, if not many of my ancestors, and that they feel deep shame and grief over this practice.
The connection and the anguish channeled through the meditation reminded me of another instance when I had encountered and touched upon such primordial motherly grief during an experience with LSD. During that experience I felt merged with or channeled an intense anguish and rage over the separation of mother and child, in an archetypal sense. I was overcome with wails and energy, screaming about the immorality of “our children” being taken and cruelly marred and misshapen by the patriarchal tenets of society, as opposed to being allowed to exist as perfect lovable, authentic beings of creation. What I channeled during the sacral meditation definitely felt like the same thing I encountered on that LSD journey, and perhaps it was. That journey culminated in spiritual liberation, represented by the image of a dancing female torso drawn of neon lights, followed by a vision of Kali Ma – my first initiation. I am not yet sure where this current journey will end or how I will know that I’ve arrived. I do know that this initial sacral working was a quick detour on the way to my root, which is where the true beginning of this work begins.
Usually the root chakra is where you are meant to begin if you are trying to clear and heal chakras. I did some research on chakra healing, since I hold ambivalence towards the new age concept of chakra work. By reading about the root chakra, I began to understand how this blockage manifests itself in my life as near-omnipresent fearfulness and inability to ground that I have carried with me my whole life. That inability to ground is also the cause of many challenges in my environment, or rather the sensation that nothing really “flows” easily. It also plays a role in disrupting and obscuring my ability to interpret parasensory data in my day-to-day. I encountered this video which pointed towards the importance of root chakra shadow work to address the core of root blockages that good energy hygiene and meditations simply won’t touch. This was helpful, and familiar territory for me to explore.
I have long recognized that I carry a subtle and pervasive fearfulness throughout my being, seemingly ever-present just beneath the surface. I know that this is a core belief related to feeling “dirty” and “broken” and therefore unworthy or fearful that I will be punished. When I asked myself why I can’t let go of this fear, the answer made me laugh. I have to be prepared to defend myself against this mysterious and overbearing Judge who will be ensuring that I am punished for my imperfections and mistakes. This made me laugh because the antidote to the fear is right there in its justification: if I feel that I am justified in defending myself against punishment, then clearly I must also recognize my own worthiness and lovability. The logic is so obviously child-like that I am certain this is being held in place by my inner child, likely from around the age of 7 as came up in my session with Jess. The thing is that, I have visited my childhood experiences and worked through them a hundred times over now. Simply revisiting the past and archiving my experiences is obviously not cutting it, so I am trying something else.
I have since committed to doing daily root chakra meditations and listening to root chakra healing music while I sleep. The important thing is to be present and consciously participate in the meditations, which I select based on their length and how much content is directed towards actually energetically working with the root and accessing the memetic content being stored in the body. I am linking my playlist of my favorite meditations so far here. During one of these meditations I asked my Great Grandmother how I’m supposed to let go of the trauma I inherited and she answered that it isn’t mine to let go of. The solution I’ve concluded from this answer is to recognize when I am taking on inherited patterns and emotions and turn the experience over to Spirit, along with petitioning my ancestors to release their resentments and attachments to these traumas. I must also do my part to commit to habits and behaviors that support my energy body.
I am about three weeks into this practice now and I believe things are starting to shift. My husband (who has energetic sight) reports that my lower body is a “little less dead” than before, and I notice a lot of random memories and emotions flowing into my consciousness throughout the day. Sometimes at night I wake up feeling fearful, and I take this as my body releasing its defenses so that my suppressed experiences can finally be felt and processed to completion. That is my intuition about what is happening, at least. I find that the key right now is simply detaching and allowing the thoughts and sensations to arise organically, acknowledge them, feel them, and then let it go rather than holding on and trying to analyze or problem-solve their being there. I will be keeping to this strategy until it feels complete, and maybe I will have to schedule a little check-in with Jess to review my progress. So that is where I am at on that front, though there are a few other strategies calling to me.
Rituals and Devotionals
Ancestral healing is part of my work I do with the Morrígan, so of course there are some rituals she has instructed me to perform. I cannot go into significant detail about these, but I can share that I am doing them. One of the rituals involves approaching her in her role as Washer at the Ford, which I performed earlier in the year before my session with Jess. In this instance, I worked on removing a blockage in my heart region which I’ve found effective in shifting my dynamic with my husband into one that is more harmonious. I am being called to perform this ritual again, which can be found in The Call of the Morrígan, but for my lower body blockages. I received a gift of bath salts from my friend Mical at Oak Lore Apothecary that I want to combine with this ritual as a kind of DIY ritual here. I’m not entirely sure how it will look yet, but using the bath as a medium to cleanse my energy body of ancestral trauma will play a central part. The Morrígan’s ritual calls for using washable markers to draw a symbol or write what you’re washing away on a cloth that you then scrub clean in spring water, and I can see this being incorporated into the bath. Perhaps using the bath to channel the essence of my ancestry and then performing the washing ritual in a trance state, which may help with really clearing this beyond just me.
I am of course utilizing my knowledge of Vedic Astrology to time when I perform these rituals for the best results. If you are interested in doing ancestral work, any days associated with the Vedic Pitris either by nakshatra or tithi are great. The Pitris are the forefathers of humanity, and therefore our ancestors. The nakshatra that is ruled by the Pitris is Magha, which is the first part of Leo. Any nakshatra or tithi associated with clearing blockages or purification are also good for the purpose of healing ancestral karma, as well. New and full moons are also good for this work. Aside from Vedic Astrology, you can also use the Irish pagan holiday of Samhain to honor ancestors – or turn to your own culture or practice for ancestor-oriented holidays. What’s important is that you are choosing a timing that supports your intention.
Another practice I’ve adopted is making daily offerings of food to my altars that I am then meant to consume later in the same day. I was guided to this practice after receiving a message that I need to spend more time at my altar so my guides and deities can pour into me and replenish me because I have become so depleted. Well, it’s pretty challenging to find time to hang out with my altars with a rambunctious toddler. I do miss my devotional practices such as mala chanting and daily prayers, but they require something I’m just not able to give consistently at the moment. Then I felt a nudge from Hekate to begin offering my food at my altars, so it can be blessed with healing energy. This has mostly consisted of offering the ingredients to my snacks, such as oats, blueberries, honey, coffee grounds, and loose tea. I have felt less fatigued since starting this practice, and it feels good to be making daily contact with my altars. It’s also easily managed alongside motherhood.
The overall sense I am getting about these blockages is that I have already done what I can do on my own to resolve them, as far as re-parenting and self-examination goes. It is now time for me to reach out to Spirit and receive support energetically for clearing these blockages from my body and restoring the natural state of my being. I no longer have to carry the responsibility alone, nor am I meant to be carrying the traumas of my ancestors on their behalf. I must maintain a clear boundary in this regard – their traumas are not mine, my body and energy belong to me. I can feel compassion and understanding towards their experiences, but I won’t be sacrificing my potential and my happiness to keep these traumas alive.
